Men's Violence Against Women

Gracing my bookshelf is a poignant book aimed at addressing the transgressions of men and how they hurt women. Jackson Katz effectually begins his book, “The Macho Paradox” by sharing an exercise that he does with groups that he speaks to about men's violence against women. He asks his class what steps they take each day to avoid being sexually assaulted. It is a provocative question that elicits some jokes and laughter among the men and an outpouring of suggestions from women. As the women spout off answers such as, ‘not wearing a ponytail’, ‘parking under a light’, ‘looking in the backseat of my car’, etc, the men begin to realize just how much the threat of sexual assault impacts every woman’s daily life.

Let me emphasize that women are not afraid of being assaulted every day by some stray perpetrator, some no gendered being that happens to be preying upon women that day. They are at risk of being raped, assaulted, stalked, harassed, or otherwise endangered by the whole other half of the population. Men are overwhelmingly responsible for violent crimes against women, children, and other men. The question we should all be asking ourselves is not, “why are women being raped and beaten?”; but rather “why are men beating and raping everyone else?”.

Debra Anne Davis bravely shares her story of rape while effectively showcasing one of the reasons that men hurt women.

“…(T)he Angel in the House was intensely sympathetic…She was utterly unselfish…in short she was so constituted that she never had a mind or wish of her own, but preferred to sympathize always with the minds and wishes of others.” (The Angel in the House)

As her rapist forced his way into her apartment, Davis did not instinctively shove her gun into his gut, claw his eyes with her fingernails, or even scream for her safety. Instead, her reserved upbringing, her Angel in the House, put her passivity and grace above personal safety by subconsciously urging her not to be rude or aggressive. Her rapist, on the other hand, had been raised to be dominant, to take what he wanted…to be male. Therefore, the two legacies of upbringing unfolded as the man raped and the woman submissively endured, survived.

Beyond the upbringing differences in aggression v. passivity, are the other forces at work in our society that perpetrate violence by men against women. The ‘impartial’ (and I use that term loosely) news reporters repeatedly report stories of violence against women without pointedly naming what gender is committing the violence…unless, of course, it is a woman committing the crime. Perhaps if viewers repeatedly heard newscasters say, “Another man assaulted someone today…” the message that listeners would hear would resonate as men being the problem rather than women being the issue. It isn’t enough to say that women are victimized…the perpetrators have to be called out as well.

Further, movies and television shows (produced and directed largely by men) repeatedly show violence against women as a sexualized event. In nearly every crime drama, the women are shown in provocative clothing, if clothed at all, splayed out and covered in blood, semen, or a combination of the two. Movies routinely contain murder scenes just outside the shower or bedroom where women are scantily clad or stark naked. The ties between brutality and sexuality are disturbing at the least, and serve to unite desire with violence.

It is so obvious to me that our society’s structure has everything to do with men’s violence against women. They are raised to be aggressive, to desire women, and to be powerful by any means necessary. Why, then are we surprised when the threat of incarceration does very little to end the violence? It seems like such a small deterrence to combat the onslaught of messages that boys and men are given on a daily basis.